I find that I am constantly in a state of learning as I grow older. There is always a discovery just a thought away. At church the other night our pastor was preaching on receiving our treasure from God. He was talking about how God is passionate about us and wants to bless us abundantly. And while we should have an attitude of expectancy that God will provide for us and prosper us no matter what we go through, God does not want us to focus on the gifts but rather the Giver.
This particular message really spoke to me. As I sat there listening I began to realize just HOW focused I have been on the gifts over the years. As many of you know my husband and I have struggled with infertility over the past 7 years or so. As I think backwards through our journey I am able to see how I have made my focus and priorities on trying to conceive. At times it has become this all-consuming, overwhelming stress that takes over my life physically and emotionally.
My pastor also mentioned that the more we focus in on the gifts the more destruction it can cause. I hadn't realized it until now but this is so incredibly true. As I've made TTC the focus of my life over the past 7 years I have battled depression, anxiety, ridiculous amounts of stress, and the list goes on. Now I think, what good has this done? I've been worrying and putting all of my attention into the wrong places. Where has all of this gotten me?
Have I learned alot about myself along the way?... Absolutely! Do I know more about the scientific process of creating life?... More than I care to know! But ultimately I realize that this journey of infertility that God has laid out for my husband and I is to teach us something & is to use for His glory.
Coming to this realization does not in any way mean that I am giving up on becoming a mom or that I want it any less. However, I am making a vow that this year will be different. I am going to stop focusing on the blessings and instead immerse myself in His love for me. To quote my pastor "When you turn your focus and attention to receiving His love, you are perfectly positioned to receive His overwhelming blessings."
"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" Matthew 6:33
Burden Bearer's
9 years ago
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2 comments:
God is using you in amazing ways to point others to him. As I sit here and read your words, I feel so strongly the pain that you feel. I KNOW what that feels like and I am literally crying with you. I wish that I could be there to offer a shoulder, but I am with you in spirit interceding for you in prayer. I love you!
What a powerful message your pastor preached. You are right, sometimes we focus too much on the gift and not the Giver. I hope and pray that God will bless you with a child.
Blessings to you and yours.
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